I'll only go on a little here...
Today for reasons unknown, perhaps due to the cumulative stress or a dissatisfaction with factors out of my control, I was angry all day. I have been disrespectful, vitriolic, and mean. I offended some friends of mine. They deserve a personal apology (not here).
I don't mean to externalize these things but I sometimes get upset and think negatively about anything anyone says and I go out of my way to get attention.
But anyway, these bouts of anger have gotten me a reputation as the Cynical Kid. It's a cross I've come to bear, really. I know I dug myself a hole and I want to escape it. But it can be hard not to be negative in a stressful world!
How does one shed a bad reputation? Do actions speak louder than words?
I do believe that, although actions may speak louder than words especially in circumstances where something cannot be taken back (such as a break up where trust is lost), but i do believe that even if you have acted as such, that the action isn't always intentional. You have never seen me in my most foul mood, and i hope to never show it in public, but i would like to be able to express it as you have, but my world revolves solely around others. Not to say that having a world revolve mostly around yourself is a bad one, but having a world revolve solely around others is not a good one either. And while we struggle to maintain a balance between ourselves and others, it is how we respond with our words in these times that speaks louder than our actions. Cody, some of our closest friends will always overlook our bad days because no one is perfect, and expressing anger is not something terrible (there is a reason that i swear some days because it just makes me feel better). Expressing anger is normal, however i do feel that the right way to express anger is by talking to someone about whats been going wrong,and not taking it out on your closest friends. While i, too, have taken it out on my friends (poor tessa, i love her :)it is my words of apology that make it all completely better. I do not label you as the Cynical Kid, whatever you may think, and i am not saying that because it is what you want to hear. I am saying it because the cody i have gotten to know since 6th grade, when i didn't know you whatsoever, has grown in my mind to be the human dictionary, the kid of memory, and brilliance, and someone with a good intention. I think it is how others perceive your actions that influences how it "speaks". However, those who are your friends will always perceive your actions with the best intentions; im sure you didn't intend to start the day by throwing your anger around. Stress just happens.
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